I cant talk to my friend about my dad /family probs b/c hers has died but sometimes its unavoidable.....?

i have a lot of family problems but her dad died about a year ago so i obviously can't compare it even though i feel like i don't have one anyway. but sometimes it's unavoidable like if she knows im going out to dinner i wont say who but then she'll ask...and he sent me this thing for valentine's day and it was sitting there and she was like who is that from...and started crying...


i try to avoid it but how do i tell her how i feel like i cant talk to her about it, if i should say anything? sometimes i really need to talk about things but don't know who to go to because i can't go to her. this is not being selfish, i am always there when she needs to talk and i know her situation is extreme compared to mine, but sometimes i need to talk too.

I cant talk to my friend about my dad /family probs b/c hers has died but sometimes its unavoidable.....?
I just lost my mom and it helps to talk about it.
Reply:Talk to your dad. Let him know what you are going through with your friend. This will allow the two of you to talk about how if things were reversed with your friend how you would feel. Your friend may need to talk on occasion for quite some time. There may be something that you can do to help. Share your father. Talk to him about it. If he is up for it, perhaps he can take the both of you out to dinner or something sometime. Then talk to her mother about it. Once it is ok with both of them, have your dad invite the both of you out. Your dad can not replace hers. But chances are that he will be there for you at the times in your life that hers would also be there for her. Things like taking pictures at graduation, chaperoning a school dance, fixing a flat tire, or moving into your first apartment. This could bring you and your dad closer together as well as you bonding closer to your friend. Just let her know that you are willing to share out of your love of her as a friend and not to show off that you have something she doesn’t. Her insight with the loss of her dad can cause you to appreciate yours far more than most girls.





Here are 7 steps to the grieving process that most everyone goes through. However, everyone is different as to how long each step takes. The transistions may overlap.


1)Shock %26amp; Disbelief


2)Sensation of somatic distress


3)Preoccupation with images and belongings of the deceased (Pictures, clothes, blankets, cups, etc)


4)Guilt (I mad that morning and never told him I loved him)


5)Anger (Why would God do this? The doctors are idiots.)


6)Change in the conduct behavior (Bouts of Depression, Forgetfulness or Disorganization, Restlessness, Feels a need to do something but not sure what)


7)Reorganization of behavior directed toward a new object or activity. (Something to pour this nervous energy and attention into. A new hobby or sport or relationship or?)





This is not a check list but a rather a general guideline. The same process is also valid for other losses in ones life like the breakup of a relationship or the loss of a job. In the old days a person would wear black for a year to let others know that they had suffered a loss. You are a good person to have concern and consideration for you friend.


Good luck and may God Bless you and your efforts.