I get my 17 year old daughter to clean my son's bedroom b/c she is a female. A friend says its wrong. Am I?

The way I see it, her being a girl and all it would be better for her to clean up my son's room. I think it will give her good experience and a good work ethic for when she has to clean her own kids room someday. Besides my son is only 11 now and she's been doing it now for years. Well, my buddy at work found out about this and he says its really wrong what i am doing. Well, I just have to disagree - for one I bought a car for my daughter and my son only gets 5 dollars a week allowance. However, that really doesn't even matter that much because the fact is, she is a girl and he is a boy and I figure a couple more years and he can mow the lawn. I never made my daughter do that. Oh yeah, my daughter also makes him snacks or dinner sometimes if mom isn't home and my buddy thinks that is messed up too. I guess I feel that a woman should be doing a woman's job. Am I wrong here?

I get my 17 year old daughter to clean my son's bedroom b/c she is a female. A friend says its wrong. Am I?
I think you are very wrong. If anything, you are asking her to do it for the WRONG reasons (being female).





You are putting her in position where she grows up to be her husband's free servant (because she's female!) and your son will expect his wife (because she's female!) to clean up his messes. See if you are OK with this. I think that would cause them trouble in finding a life partner. I'd never live with a guy who thinks that cleaning is my job. Now, I'll clean, but I do it because it needs to be done and I'm better at it, but not because I'm female and it is my job.





It is OK to ask her to help him to clean up his room because she's his sister and he needs help. This is the olny reason how it can be OK in my opinion.





Everyone is supposed to clean up their own messes. 11 years old should be capable of cleaning his own room for gossake.





If you want her to contribute more because you bought her a car you might concider something else as a contribution. Like grocery shopping for the whole family (once in a while), key point here - for the whole family.
Reply:Well, to a certain extent, yes. Its nice you gave her a car while he only gets 5 bucks a week because she does clean up his room. But its for the wrong reason, Just because shes female doesnt mean shes the maid. Teach him how to clean up his own room, teach her how to mow the lawn. even it out. but let her keep the car and him the allowance for now ;]





Think of it this way:


How is he going to clean up his room when hes out of the house?


or how is she going to know how to mow the lawn when its 2 feet high because her husband has broken legs?





good luck with your situation. be cool.
Reply:First of all...your son should be learning to clean his own room!


Yes your daughter will learn a thing or two about 11 year-old boys.


Secondly, This boy is an adolescent, and needs his privacy. He will start to develope his interest in girls, and likely as not he will explore your Eaton's or Sears Catelogue in the ladies foundation garments section. This will take patience and understanding, to deter him from fixating to the point of acquiring a fetish!


It is very hard to be a parent. For even a mother, raising a boy is hard to understand what his hormones are doing. It is important to keep him busy. I suggest that he gets a lot of direction from his father. A man's outlook is crucial to his sexual developement. Have him involved in sports, doing chores, and give him the training to help others in need. I know you will be proud of him. Boys are easy if they are able to talk about their sexual development with you. Encourage him, don't berate him for what he thinks, or feels.
Reply:Um. Yeah, I'd have to say that you're wrong. :)


Your son is eleven. That's beyond old enough to clean his room, make 'snacks', mow the lawn, and much more.


There are no such thing as 'woman's jobs'. If anything, he should be doing hard, tough 'man jobs' if you're going to be such a dick about it.
Reply:well, what does that teach your son? if he can't clean up a mess in his life he'll end up turning to her to come clean up his messes. i appreciate you for trying to keep traditional works amongst the different sexes, but you should try having him make dinner sometimes. it'll mix things up and he'll learn how to make his own food and really appreciate what she does. a parent should focus on raising an independent being that'll be able to survive and flourish when you pass. if you help to teach him these things now, he'll have a different view of things. i think that he's old enough to mow the lawn and start doing things for himself, but then every kid's different. i just think that you should also teach him to do those kind of jobs so he knows how in case there might not be a woman to do it for him. it's not that it's messed up like your buddy says, but you should consider this from more than one view.
Reply:No big deal, your son will just learn to hide his personal guy things a little better as he gets older.
Reply:Get real, I don't even want to read on, All I read was your Question and that just made me just want to answer. First of all


your son is 11 years old get him to clean up after himself. And


apologize to your daughter. If he's old enough to play outside


with his friends and make a mess in his room, he's old enough


to clean up after himself. This clean up should of started at the


age of 3, YES 3. Have you ever heard the song CLEAN UP, CLEAN UP EVERYBODY CLEAN UP. And that means everybody. As they get older the chores are given to them,so


they can take the responsibility of help keeping the house clean,


and keeping their room clean. Now as for his snacks he is able


to make something simple and dinner that's okay she can do that until he's a little older, I wouldn't want a 11 year old cooking over


the stove and burning down the house, Don't take that chance.


wait until he's at least 15 to 16 years old then let him take over.


If you don't teach him now he is not knowing what to do when


he becomes a bachelor.
Reply:no its wrong cause men and woman should clean and cook and clean.one day your son won't have you around and he had to do for him self.....let your son clean his own room she not his maid everyone should pick up after them self you are so wrong. to think that our job no that every job to do for him self..don't forget he going to grow up and he will think she still his maid .you do it....so stop it now be for its to late
Reply:Sweetheart, what century do you belong to? I think the girl is gettin enough experience cleaning up after herself. You are raising a failure in today's and tomorrow's society if u continue to let ur son get away with that crap. Unless you're going to get him one of those subservient mail order brides. Your son needs to start learning to do things for himself. I mean when he gets his own family, is he gonna expect his wife to do everything concerning the kids and the household. Really... you need to wake up
Reply:he's 11 let him do it
Reply:i see the problem.. she's 17 and has been doing it for years.. just how old was she when she began cleaning ? are you Italian ? female mother Italians, cater 2 males of all ages.. you being the dad, feels it the womens place.. male's need 2 learn 2 cook and clean too.. 2 be able 2 take care of themself's if there is no women in their life.. who's gonna clean his room, when daughter moves out ? when your son turns 13 maybe 14, he will want 2 be with his friends.. and maybe not want 2 cut the lawn.. at 11, he is well over the age 2 make his own snacks.. wow.. i was 9, when i began cleaning my brothers room.. and my brother grew up 2 be a nothing.. lived off my mom, till he died at the age of 62.. didn't work.. didn't have too, cause moma, paid 4 everything he needed.. cigs, booze, clothes.. bummer..
Reply:It is wrong to make a girl do that just because she is a girl. Maybe instead of having "womens jobs" and "mens jobs" make a chore wheel. Put an arrow in the center and have each child spin the arrow. Whatever they land on they do. But an eleven year old should be old enough to clean his own room. If yuor daughter doesn't like to cook for your son maybe buy microwavable things that he can just put in and wait a couple of minutes to eat it. Microwavable popcorn is a healthy and easy snack to make. You could also get fruit and he could just pull it out of the refridgerator, wash it, and eat it. It's that simple. Eleven year olds should have some respnsibilities, if you feel that your son may be too young or immature to cook then talk to your daughter and explain the way you feel. But don't make your daughter do something because it is a "woman job" that is wrong and sexist to women everywhere. Women may become offended if people make thir daughters do everything because they are girls.
Reply:....there is so much wrong here where do I begin? I almost want to give you my cell number so you can call me because all I have to say I don't think I can get it all in but I will try. First that is sexist just because she is a girl does not mean that she should know how to clean. What does that teach both of your children about society, roles, relationships and things like that. If you want to teach good work ethic and give them experience how about teaching them responsibility and accountability for their own things. Like your daughter cleans her own room and your son cleans his. Also if you bought her a car and you give him 5 dollars for allowance that was your choice as a parent. Now unless you are making her pay for the car by doing chores then it isn't fair. Its nothing wrong with her assisting with the dinner and snacks if mom is not able only if mom is out doing something that she needs to do. however if mom is out chilling and has 17 parenting oh that is just trifling. Also what is a woman's job, wtf*? Since I can't lay hands on you how about you touch the screen and i pray for you also in the mean time in between time look up the child labor laws.
Reply:very misgynistic view completely sexist, who defines what is a mans work and a womans work, you need to move on into the new millenium buddy. It does not matter what you bought her or give your son, you are being a chauvinist and teaching your son that if he doesnt clean up after himself that his mom or his sister will do it for him. Then when he moves out on his own he is going to get married just to have someone clean for him.
Reply:I have several comments for you:





1. You're wrong if you don't have your son clean her room on different days. You take advantage of her and you're a woman?


Shame on you. You lessen your daughter's opinion of herself. She thinks she will always have to service men, when she is an equal.





2. You are cheating your son too. He will always think lesser of women because of you and he will never take responsibility for his actions. Why should he when somebody else can clean up his mess.





3. If you want to live in the world of the past, go ahead, just don't screw up your kid's minds. We have enough screwed up kids in the world already.





TX Guy


(Teacher)
Reply:I think it is time your son took responsibility and started cleaning his own room.
Reply:Is your son's arm broken or something. Is there a mom at home here? What it sounds like to me is that you are teaching you son more than one terrible trait. He will grow up thinking all women should wait on him and he has no responsibility for caring for himself. It also sounds like you are using her as a maid.. Doesn't she have school, a job, friends, a life? You forget how short time is for being a teenager %26amp; being young. Don't take it away from her, she'll miss alot %26amp; will never be able to get it back.
Reply:If your daughter is okay with it, You are not doing anything wrong. Your son should start taking care of himself too, he's not a baby, he needs to learn responsibility.
Reply:A WOMAN's job is to maintain a house hold. A 17 year girl shouldn't clean after her 11 year old brother. He should learn to clean his room himself. You're teaching your son that he can make a mess and a woman has to clean it up. I have nothing against a woman staying home taking care of the house, but you're teaching your kids the wrg thing.
Reply:he is old enough to clean his own room now...but i don't see anything wrong with her making him a snack or some supper...but just because she is female and he is male...shouldn't have anything to do with that...my husband can cook..so can i..my husband does his own laundry and i do mine...but he still has to mow the lawn....lol....
Reply:Yes i think that you are wrong. Your son is 11! He can clean his own room. My husband has 3 kids ages 4, 6, and 8. And they all clean there rooms. Why make your daughter do all the dirty work just because you bought her a car. Isn't that what mothers and fathers are suppose to do? I'm sure you'll buy your son a car too. I can understand giving her some chores to do but don't make her do everything especially clean your sons room when he is old enough and capable to do it. Shes old enough to get a job if she doesn't have one already. Teach your son some responsibility. Theres not always going to be a woman in his life to clean up after him. And your daughter won't always be there to clean his room. Make your son help you do things that needs to be done. Just because your daughter is a girl and your son is a boy doesn't mean anything.
Reply:It's COMPLETELY wrong!! Your son is 11!! He can clean his own room!! My gosh!! I started cleaning my own room when I was like 4!! Your son can mow the lawn as well! jeez....


You're friend is AbSOLUTELY right!!
Reply:I think you should pay her!!! And I hope you're encouraging her to do well in school and to plan for a career too.





And let me tell who you're NOT helping is your son. You're not teaching him reality sweetheart okay? Because I doubt when he grows up he'll find a woman to do those things for him. You should teach him how to cook and clean for his own good.
Reply:He's 11, he can walk with his two legs and he has hands-let him clean his dang room.


Who cares if the 17 year old has a car? That's like saying, "Well I gave my neighbor $1,000 so they should repay me by cooking for me and keeping my house clean while I'm gone. They'll learn how to care for their neighbors and other people around them."


It's OK to allow the 17 year old to make him some snacks if she offers too-but if she's busy and that boy can't wait he can make it himself.





I honestly cannot believe that YOU have got to ASK if that is WRONG. As an adult you gotta think before you speak and really wonder how you would feel if you had to clean up somebody else's room, cook for them and practically be their slave.
Reply:Why not let your son clean his own room and teach him some responsibility. Your daughter, meanwhile, can house-sit for some elderly persons or something.
Reply:You are wrong here. An 11 year old boy needs to clean his own room and a 17 year girl will only learn to hate you by doing other peoples chores! You want her to have a work ethic, she's old enough to get a job. Leave the kid alone!
Reply:Your ethic may be a little disturbed but I don't think it's wrong if she doesn't have a problem with it. I for one, would probably throw a brick at you if you tried to make me clean because it's "women's work" but if your daughter is OK then that's her prerogative, isnt it? Make sure your son mows the lawn though, and takes out the garbage and changes all the washers!
Reply:Yea its wrong OK i understan that a women should do a women's job but he is 11 years old his old enough to make his own food , clean his own room and other things around the house i was when i was 11 and get allowance thats for what your daughter cleaning up after him , he has to clean or he'll depend on a women for the rest of his life
Reply:It's very wrong.Your son should clean his own room.You will also give the wrong impression of how to treat woman.
Reply:I would agree if:


1. The son was little


and


2. If you cleaned his room with her.


But, at over age ten, he should clean his own room and make his own snacks... and he can cook, too!


The only thing I make my daughter do because she's a girl is clean the pet cages, and be a mother's helper to the truely little ones.... but she gets paid!!
Reply:You are if you think that your daughter can't mow the lawn and can only clean rooms whereas your son can mow the lawn and can't clean his own room and cook his own meal!