Am I wrong to give an ultimatum to my boyfriend about his pothead friend?

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and living together the last 2 years. He had a serious drug addiction to meth and pot, and went to residential treatment for a little over 6 months- Feb. '07 to Sep. '07 and came home. The problem is we have a guy friend "C" who is a really good guy, but a SERIOUS pothead and smokes weed all the time. While my bf was in rehab, my bf even said that he doesn't think he can be friends or hang out with "C" anymore. When my bf got back from rehab, a month later I allowed him to hang out with "C" at C's house almost every weekend. I don't know if my bf is lying or not, but he said that while "C" would smoke weed, he would go outside and have a cigarette. I trusted my bf in hoping he won't get addictive cravings and start weed again, and I trusted our friend "C" to watch out for him. Last Sunday, I caught my bf in C's truck, and it was all smoky inside. My bf claims he didn't smoke weed and was just talking. I told him I would buy a drug test from

Am I wrong to give an ultimatum to my boyfriend about his pothead friend?
I didnt even need to read all of this. My husband is a recovering addict and I can tell you this.


You can tell him that you are worried about this friend. You would prefer for him to not hang out with him BUT you need to decide that YOU will not put up with it. dont leave it to him to decide how you are going to spend your life, with him in it or not. Dont give him the power to decide your future.
Reply:No you're wrong in staying with this fool. Dump him and move on and get a man without all this drama.
Reply:if your friend is back on weed it wont take long to find out there are signs to look for eye drops for red spaced out eyes ,forgetfulness,rolling papers in his pockets ,keep yor eyes are open ...its true second hand smoke can turn out positive in a drug test .is he on prescription drugs cause serious pot users generally need prescription pill to help kick the habit in the long term will power is not always enough ..
Reply:You have every absolute right to let him know about the future of the relationship. He was given a chance to change and he screwed up and went back to his old habits. If you stay with him you may not have a future. I suggest that you tell him how you feel about this and if he does not yield, then you have no choice but to leave him. However, in the case that he pleads for you not to leave, that's when you "smack" him with the Ultimatum.
Reply:Guys usually have a problem putting a woman before their good friends, so lay off a little bit. He might think you nag him too much and dump you
Reply:No you're probably not wrong. Pot in itself isn't so bad, but if you are a recovering Meth addict, then anything is bad. Oh and yes, of course he was smoking weed with "C". I can't imagine a person who would want to date anyone who was addicted to meth, but maybe that's me. You should break up with him and find a real man. But it's okay to be his friend and try to get him to help himself.
Reply:Abstinence is absolute. He should have learned that in rehab place. Is like AA, they do not say, is ok if you do not drink anymore, is ok to take those pills and is ok to smoke that rope, nope, it does not work that way, is in all the literature that he has from the rehab place.


Tell him to man up, tell his buddy to man up also. Don't do junk that is illegal or harmful to the recovery in the presence of an addict.


Once an addict, always an addict, that is the common understanding of addictive personalities. Some can conquer the substances or drugs of choice , others do not have that ability.


Did boyfriend go in treatment cause he chose to, or was it court ordered,. That is a point that I am iffy on, if it was court ordered, then he never actually made the choice to get off the junk.


But anyhoots, to make it work, one has to work at it, daily,hourly and so on.
Reply:Sorry, weed isn't physically addictive, so...as long as "C" doesn't do meth, I wouldn't worry too much. They say weed is a gateway drug, so I guess if your boyfriend has that addictive of a personality, you may want to keep him from it so he doesn't transition to meth again. But, you don't hear about people ruining their lives because of weed alone. Oh, and he already smokes cigarettes...so it's not like that's healthy. And he's lying, he's already smoking weed again.
Reply:Dump he is a pothead drugie , you can do better you need some who will look out for you as much a you lookout for them. It is not going to get better. Kick him out,change the locks. Get rid of all those losers. It is really hard to met some


the older you get, so don't waste your time get, so get rid of him and start over with someone who has other interests besides drugs and is not going to treat you like a mom.
Reply:Unfortunately you cannot control your BF life. If he says he isnt smoking it then you need to trust him. You are gonna drive him away by acting like his mother. Weed is not that bad and I know tons of successful people who do jobs that are prestigious in the community who smoke daily. You would be surprised. As for the meth, that is what you should be worrying about and if his friend C isnt a tweeker than he should be fine. And even if your BF slips up and wants to get stoned, who cares. Tell him you understand how hard overcoming addiction can be and not everybody gets it right the first time. You have to take it step by step.